10 Fresh Mindset Habits to Unlearn Who You Are Not

Are you living a life that reflects who you really are?

It’s time to stop being the person you are not meant to be.

But who, then, are you meant to be?

It's time to stop acting like someone you’re not to please others.

You weren't born to perform, people-please, or play it safe. You were born to explore, create, risk, and live with the kind of wild, grounded freedom that doesn't fit into neat little checkboxes.

But somewhere along the line, you learned who to be to survive, not who to be to thrive. When did this switch in perspective take place? For most of us, it wasn’t an overnight revelation, but were small, subtle changes that have gone unnoticed until it became obvious.

You shaped yourself around expectations, roles, and rules that rewarded your compliance but silenced your truth. You ticked the boxes that were expected of you instead of writing your own checklist. One that was a true reflection of the real you.

This blog isn't about fixing yourself, as your core, fundamental mechanics are fine and dandy. Instead, the focus is to free yourself to be who you were meant to be. It's about unlearning who you're not, so you can remember who you’ve always been, beneath the facades and fears we often hide behind.

These ten fresh mindset habits are not the usual “drink more water” or “think positive” remedy, as you already know how to do this. These habits are real, raw, and at times uncomfortable. It’s about making the mental reset you didn’t know you needed. I correct myself. Deep down you knew you needed it, but kept pushing it away, afraid of what it my open.

1. Question everything you call 'normal'

This is a pretty big statement out of the blocks, but it is a vital first step.

Normal is a story someone told you until you believed it. And if you tell yourself a story so many times, even if you know it is a lie, it often becomes the truth, and the other stuff we conveniently leave to the side, hidden behind the trash or in a deep, dark cupboard in our mind.

It’s the way we shrink our lives to fit expectations that don’t belong to us. We call it “normal” to wake up exhausted, keep relationships that drain us, chase external validation, or work jobs that kill our soul.

But is this reality normal, and should we just accept it and take it on the chin? Or is it just what you've gotten used to?

This habit is about exposing your routines, beliefs, and automatic responses and asking, “Do I even want this?” It is putting them under the truth microscope and undertaking a raw analysis and truth test. There are no cover-ups and no excuses. Just you and the truth.

Start by identifying one part of your life you do just because it’s what you’ve always done. Whether it is because it is expected of you, you are good at it, trying to please others, or simply fitting in.

Question it. What if you didn’t? What if you did the opposite? Normal is a moving target and often a cage dressed up as comfort. True freedom begins when you start dismantling the rules you never agreed to.

Every time you challenge “normal,” you take one step closer to the real you. It is the one underneath the conditioning, the compromises, and the carefully curated coping. Forget normal. Get curious instead. Stand up for what you want to believe in and is a true reflection of yourself.

2. Outgrow your own origin story

You, like life, keeps going and changing until you die. Pretty black and white, but that is the nuts and bolts of it.

So guess what? Change is the normal, not the exception.

You are not the product of your past, unless you choose to be. That old story you keep telling yourself about who you are, what you’re capable of, and where you belong? It was built on survival, not truth. Maybe it was true once, but it holds no value any more.

Maybe it helped you get through some dark chapters and get to where you are today. But that doesn’t mean you owe it a lifetime of gratitude and have to hold on to it like a loyalty sacrifice. That version of you who needed it is gone.

Outgrowing your origin story means honoring where you've been without letting it define where you're going. Your life and your story change, and what you once believed changes with it.

Start noticing the scripts you repeat: “I’ve always been this way,” “I’m not good at that,” “That’s just who I am.” Are those facts, or just familiar fears disguised as identity?

Rewrite the script. Flip the narrative. Try this: “That was me. This is now.” The past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t own you.

Growth demands that you become someone new. It demands someone bigger than the box you were handed. Don’t be loyal to a story that shrinks you. Upgrade it to the person you need to be.

3. Drop the identity that gets applause but kills your soul

Everyone loves applause. Who doesn’t?

But what if that applause came at your person expense? How would you feel now?

It’s easy to play the role everyone loves. You can be the achiever, the nice one, the fixer or the strong one. But at what cost? When your identity is built to earn approval, you slowly abandon the messy, magical parts of you that don’t fit the script.

This habit is about recognizing when you’re performing a version of yourself to keep the peace, earn love, or avoid discomfort.

Are you playing a role or actually playing your authentic self?

What parts of your real self have you edited out to be more “likeable” or “successful”? Stop outsourcing your worth to applause. Start tuning in to the quiet pull of your truth. The world might love the version of you that conforms, but your soul doesn’t.

Is this the right way to live?

So, as my mother used to say, "Drop the act!" She also said, "You can't bullshit a bullshitter!" I think both of these statements apply here.

Drop the character. Embrace the chaos of being real. If something inside you feels fake, forced, or fatigued, it’s probably not you. Stop. It is not the real you. If you even think about it for a second, I think you know the right answers. That’s your sign to let it go. Being authentic might ruffle feathers, but being fake will rot your spirit. Choose wisely.

4. Rewire your inner GPS for bold decisions

A car requires GPS to determine the best way to get from point A to point B, so why should you be any different?

Your default decision-making system probably runs on fear, doubt, and old programming. It says to be careful, stay small and don’t rock the boat. It’s the voice of past experiences, cultural conditioning, and every time you failed and were told, “I told you so.”

Rewiring your inner GPS means changing the direction you need to take to get to your new destination. Make choices based on vision, not fear.

What changes in direction would you make if you choose to trust yourself fully?

Bold decision making doesn’t mean being restless and full of fear, but allows you to be aligned with what you really want. To be more purposefully aligned. It means daring to move in the direction of growth, even when your knees shake. Deep down, you know this is the right path to take, even if it makes you scared shitless. Brave decisions will often do that.

Remember that these decisions can start small, even if it is one small, bold decision at a time. Say what you mean. Take the leap. Burn the plan B. You’ll feel resistance, mostly internal, as your nervous system adjusts to freedom.

The more you lead with boldness, the more you teach your brain that it’s safe to expand. The more it becomes normal and the easier it is to make more bold steps in the future. So don’t wait for clarity to act. Act, and clarity will follow.

5. Embrace contradictions and quit trying to be consistent

I have always loved the expression ‘Live life against the grain”. Now I know it is not saying to rebel against everything, but it at least reminds you that you don’t need to follow with all the other fish. Sometimes it’s good to challenge the norm and swim upstream.

You are allowed to change your mind and make your own decisions, to go a different path, to be fierce and soft, confident and uncertain, grounded and wild, and independent. The obsession with consistency is rooted in control and fear. It is often a fear of being judged, misunderstood, or called a hypocrite.

But real growth is messy and nonlinear. It is about being brave and having the character to see differently. Let me correct that, to make it more focused and clearer for you.

Embracing contradiction means giving yourself permission to evolve out loud. One day you’re sure, the next day you’re shifting. That doesn’t make you fake. It actually makes you human as you start to realize what is important to you, and you have the courage to chase it.

You are a living paradox, not a brand. Let go of the pressure to be palatable. You don’t owe anyone a stable, predictable version of you. Show up as the full spectrum. A dull rainbow remains bland and dull. Like a rainbow, life needs bright and exciting, different colors.

Consistency might feel safe, but it also keeps you stuck. The more honest you are about your changes, the more others feel safe making the same changes.

6. Give up fixing yourself and start freeing yourself

You’re not broken. You never were. Remember that you are constantly changing.

The self-help world loves to sell the idea that you need constant fixing, like you’re a project under endless construction. Yes, there may be parts that you can do better to meet the new you, but it doesn’t mean you need an expansive overhaul. It just requires a few refined tweets, not a complete change of engine.

But what if the goal isn’t perfection? What if it’s liberation?

This habit is about shifting from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s buried underneath all this noise?” Stop trying to sand down your rough edges to fit into someone else’s mold.

Start asking what would happen if you gave yourself permission to be whole as you are. Unwavering and uncompromising to the demands of others. Wholeness isn’t about being flawless.

Shit, we all have flaws, and that is awesome. Life would suck if we were all the same. Instead, it is about being free and living liberated to bring out the best in yourself. Free to feel, fail, rise, rest, and rage.

You don’t need another self-improvement plan. You need self-acceptance that clears the path to your power. Healing happens when you stop fixing and start listening to what you already have and what little improvements or changes you may need to take the next step. You’re not here to be a polished product. You’re here to be fully, unapologetically alive.

7. Don’t explain your joy — just live it

Life is meant to be fun and enjoyed.

We shouldn’t feel stories if we live, laugh, and love. I drink too much, swear too much, and do things that probably don’t fit into the norms of everyone. Yes, I will piss people off, but that is me and how I live my life. I’m not hurting anyone, and I consider myself to be a good person with good intentions, but I’m not changing what makes me who I am to simply please others.

Joy doesn’t need a disclaimer. You don’t have to shrink your shine to make others comfortable. Somewhere along the line, you were taught to downplay your happiness. You were told to avoid being “too much,” to not jinx it, to stay humble.

But joy is not arrogance. It’s your birthright. This habit is about dropping the guilt, fear, or shame you’ve attached to feeling good. You don’t need to explain why you’re smiling.

You don’t have to justify a win. You’re allowed to celebrate without softening the edges. I’m not saying to rub it in the faces of others or to be inconsiderate. We can certainly experience joy whilst remaining respectful and conscious of others,

Let joy be loud, messy, weird, and yours. The world doesn’t need more modest misery. It needs more people living in full color. Start noticing when you dim your light out of habit. Flip the rulebook and let your joy speak louder than your doubts. When you honor your joy without permission or explanation, you give others the courage to do the same. That’s how freedom spreads.

8. Kill the version of you that was built to survive

There’s a version of you who got really good at surviving. The side of you that just got on with it and who mastered the art of fitting in, staying quiet and keeping things safe. Like in a game of bingo, head down and stay quiet.

It is important to honor them, as they got you here, but they can’t take you any further. Your previous survival mode may have made you reactive, careful, and compliant.

But what about the new, thriving version of you? It is intuitive, courageous, and expansive. This habit is about letting go of the behaviors, beliefs, and identities that were necessary back then but are suffocating now.

Who am I when I’m not protecting myself all the time?

With growth, it is time to start showing up from that place. It will feel risky. Vulnerable. Exposed, but that is the exhilarating challenge of growth. Every time you step into your thriving self, you reclaim power from the past.

Don’t resent your survival self, but honor it and release it. Thank it. Then, move forward as the version of you who creates, not just copes. You’re not here to survive forever. You’re here to live.

9. Detach from being "on brand" with your past

Your past choices don’t get to dictate your future path.

Just because you were once the party animal, the person who could drink others under the table, do stupid pranks, sing and dance like an animal, laugh the loudest, were the workaholic, the people-pleaser, or the good student, doesn’t mean you owe loyalty to those labels.

“On brand” is for marketing, not for your identity. Like in the business world, brands change.

This habit is about breaking free from the pressure to be consistent with who you used to be. You’re not a product; you’re a process. Give yourself permission to pivot, reinvent, shock people, and shock yourself.

Upgrade your brand to reflect the new you.

The need to stay “on brand” keeps you stuck in a box you’ve outgrown. Burn it. The branding of 20 years ago doesn’t work now, so why should your personal branding? Choose your new values, your new worth, and your message.

10. Become allergic to emotional crumbs

You deserve more than you often let yourself believe.

It isn’t about being selfish and trying to rule the world, but it should serve as a reminder that you are worthy of more than you let yourself have.

We often mistake modest and sacrifice, and put ourselves down more than we should, we purposely devalue our worth.

Now is the time to change. Start now, not tomorrow or a single fucking minute longer. I mean now.

Stop accepting the bare minimum in all aspects of your life. This could include relationships, opportunities, and how you speak to yourself.

Don’t settle for the crumbs and the off-cuts. Don’t be happy in the emotional crumbs of half-hearted love, inconsistent support, validation you have to earn, or dreams you never prioritize.

You were not born to beg for what should be natural. This includes respect, safety, joy, rest, and belonging. You have to raise your standard for how you allow yourself to be treated, especially by your own thoughts.

If it doesn’t nourish your spirit, it’s a crumb. Stop pretending scraps are a feast. You deserve the full meal. That means saying no more often. That means walking away without guilt. That means telling yourself the truth, even when it’s painful.

The more you stop tolerating crumbs, the more you make space for overflow. That’s not selfish, as you don’t rise and grow by starving. You rise by remembering you were never meant to settle.