10 Fresh Mindset Habits to Identify What You Really Want from Life

Do you know what you truly want, or are you chasing what others expect?

Are you living your life, or someone else’s idea of it?

Have you ever had that feeling, somewhere between boredom and restlessness, where you know something’s missing, but you can’t quite put your finger on it?

You’re not unhappy, but you’re not exactly fulfilled either. You feel like you are stuck in limbo with a deep burning desire that is demanding you to make a change. That’s life’s gentle nudge, or sometimes its full-on shout, urging you to dig deeper.

This blog is not about finding a five-year plan or ticking off society’s checklist. It’s about uncovering your truth, not anyone else’s version of it. It’s your life, your passions, your dreams, and your rules! You get to call the shots!

So many of us live on autopilot. We grind out each day like the day before, knowing that tomorrow we are just going to repeat the same stuff again and again. This will continue day after day until…well, we die.

Yes, this sounds pretty harsh, but I know for many of us, it’s the truth. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be searching for more, craving, and desiring more—a better life with more fulfilling experiences.

We have lived years chasing goals that were handed to us, not chosen by us. We push down our gut feelings, silence our inner voice, and ignore that itch that never really goes away.

But deep down, we all crave something more meaningful. We simply want to find our true purpose and live it. It’s that simple.

What you want from life is already inside you. It’s just buried under noise, pressure, and old programming. Mixed up with daily demands, work, kids, errands, stresses and chores.

These 10 fresh mindset habits will help you, honestly and I hope brutally, peel back the layers and reconnect with what truly matters—not to your boss, spouse, nosey neighbor, other parents at school, colleagues at work, or even your dog.

This is for you.

All I ask is that you read each one with curiosity and an open yet honest mind and apply them with courage.

Remember: you’re not here to just survive - you’re here to live a life that lights you up. The life you want to live, not what others expect you to.

1. When fine is not fine anymore

What is the most common response when anyone asks how you are?

“I’m fine”.

But how many times is this actually true?

For most of us, it is the default answer, the socially acceptable way of saying “I’m coping, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

We say it when, in fact, we want to scream the opposite.

Why do we say it?

Well, there are a few reasons for this, including that we don’t want to burden other people, we are protecting our jobs and the feelings of others, or we may feel embarrassed about showing our weaknesses. We want to show that we are competent, successful, functioning human beings.

But what happens when fine becomes a disguise? When “fine” is covering up boredom, burnout, or a silent craving for more? That’s when fine becomes dangerous, because it convinces you to stay still in a life that no longer fits. And with each passing day, this eats at your psyche, and the pressure to change builds up like a pressure cooker until one day you want to explode.

You weren’t born to settle for a grey, muted version of your potential, but many of us do. It could be that you are comfortable in your life, you don’t want to upset the apple cart or are afraid to take a risk to try something new, which you deep down know will make you happy, but you are uncertain of the outcome.

If you find yourself constantly justifying things with “It’s not that bad,” it’s a sign that something needs attention. “Fine” is the emotional flatline that numbs you to what’s possible. It’s safe, predictable, and quietly soul-sucking. It’s time to make a plan. It's time to make a change.

Now is the time to start questioning the moments when you tell yourself things are fine. Are they really? Or are you avoiding change because it feels scary or selfish? Give yourself permission to say: This is no longer enough for me.

You don’t have to wait for a breakdown to make a breakthrough. What is wrong with starting this process today? From planning changes this very hour!

Choosing growth doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for what you have because we have built meaningful and satisfying lives with loving families, friends, and a comfortable lifestyle.

When something is no longer fine, it’s not the end; it really is the beginning of something better.

It means you’re brave enough to admit you want more. I’m not saying to throw the baby out with the bath water, but I’m recommending thinking about making small changes or taking new, simple actions to get you closer to what really makes you feel fine.

2. Stop living on autopilot

Life shouldn’t be mundane where we just continuously do the same shit every day like it's a broken record that can’t flick to the next tune.

I get it. It’s easy to get swept up in routines where we wake up, work, and repeat. Without realising it, days blur into weeks, and suddenly you’re wondering where the time went. The years go past pretty quickly, don’t they?

Living on autopilot is the opposite of living with intention. It dulls your ability to question, feel, and choose. It actually turns your mind off to what is possible. It’s happier with you living in the status quo than challenging and growing.

The first step to discovering what you want is waking up—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

You don’t have to throw your whole life upside down. This isn’t a ‘Jerry McGuire’ moment. As much as you love to say “Fuck it, I quit”, let's cool the jets for a minute.

Let’s start by noticing. Notice when you’re going through the motions. It's pretty scary when you purposely pay attention to it, how much is done on autopilot.

Is this the life you are choosing, or are you simply coasting through it? Bringing awareness to your patterns is how you break free from them. It’s about being present and interrupting routines that no longer serve you. Autopilot might feel safe, but it never leads to fulfilment. It keeps your life bland but comfortable. Is that what you really want?

It’s time to live consciously, even in small moments, to reopen the door to clarity, purpose, and possibilities.

It’s time to stop living a safe yet average life!

3. Stop ignoring the ‘itch’ that never goes away

We have all had a physical itch at some point, and don’t worry—I’m not going to ask you where or how you got it! That’s your story. Regardless of the itch, it is there, annoying us and wanting us to scratch it.

Now, I want to think of your mental itches. They’re those nagging feelings, the persistent tug that says, "There’s something else." They need attention and are not going away.

You may try to distract yourself, push through your routines, or convince yourself it’s nothing. But the itch stays. It always bloody does. So why fight it forever? Instead, start taking action to soothe it.

That itch is not a glitch. It’s a signal that you’re outgrowing something or being called toward something new. It is an unfulfilled desire, passion, goal and ambition. IT is the magnet that is trying to draw you down a better path.

It might not come with instructions, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Instead of swatting it away, start investigating it. What’s underneath that restlessness? What have you been craving but not allowing yourself to consider? Following the itch might feel uncertain, but ignoring it keeps you stuck. You deserve it for yourself to explore it.

4. Write a list of things you don’t want

We spend so much time thinking about what we want and coming up with the same solutions. Why not flip the script and see things from a different perspective?

Sometimes, the clearest way to determine what you want is to be honest about what you don’t. We often avoid this because it feels negative or uncomfortable. But identifying what drains you, frustrates you, or leaves you feeling stuck is powerful data.

It is getting you to think about what you want to avoid, so you can make steps to avoid it. It’s the clutter you need to clear before your real desires have space to show up.

So now is the perfect time to start listing everything that no longer fits in your life. Things that may piss you off, upset you, or simply don’t align with your values and your life goals. This can include habits, people, work, expectations, and labels. Be ruthless. Remember, this list is just for you, so don’t be shy about writing down your true feelings. This is your permission slip to release what doesn’t belong in your life anymore.

Your ‘don’t want’ list is not about bitterness. Instead, it is accepting that you want something different and enables you to set boundaries.

It’s a mirror that reflects your core values back to you. And often, once you know what you refuse to tolerate, what you truly want becomes strikingly clear.

5. Ask yourself honest, uncomfortable questions

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones. You can’t change unless you begin to change. I know this sounds stupid and pretty straightforward, but recognizing this and being willing to take the first step towards change is often the hardest point.

To know what you really want, you have to be willing to dig deep and challenge your own thinking. You have to be brave enough to critically analyze your life and conduct a situational analysis. I know this sounds clinical, but it is exactly what it says on the tin!

This means asking the questions most people avoid. You will have your own list of questions, but it is often centered around these fundamental questions: Am I proud of the life I’m building? If no one judged me, what would I do differently? Am I chasing something because I want it or because I think I should? What do I really want to achieve in my life?

By asking yourselves uncomfortable questions, it starts to shine a light on the parts of your life that need truth, not excuse-ridden bullshit. They cut through the crap and the emotionally driven reasoning and force you to confront what’s working and what’s not.

So, carefully prepare a list of questions you really want to answer and don’t rush to answer them. Sit with the discomfort for a while so you can think about what needs to be put into both your questions and the answers. It gives you time to think about all aspects of your life from differing angles. Let it speak. It is most effective when you face yourself honestly without filters or excuses.

Only then can you begin crafting a life that feels truly aligned with your ‘refreshed’ objectives.

6. Stop hiding your inner voice that is screaming

Now is the time to stop hiding behind excuses or the sacrifices you are making to others or society. Now is the time to speak your truth—in fact, to yell it and make it be heard.

It’s time to let your inner voice out of its cage!

This is the voice inside that’s quietly (or loudly) begging you to listen. Maybe it’s saying, “This isn’t right for me” or “There’s more out there”. That voice is not wrong. It’s not irrational. It’s your most honest self, trying to get your attention.

We’re often taught to suppress emotions and our true feelings or to explain them away. But listening to them can help you decode your needs, values, and wants

These emotions are not the enemy, just having a whine or bitch session. They are your most honest and loyal messengers. Feeling bored? Maybe your potential is being wasted. Feeling envious? That might be showing you what you deeply desire. Feeling restless? Something in you is ready to grow.

We often hide these out of fear, be it fear of judgment, of change, of disappointing others. But the longer you suppress them, the louder the dissatisfaction grows.

So now it's time to notice and listen. In fact, your own voice deserves your highest attention. Serving everyone else while silencing yourself is a recipe for anger, resentment and regret. Give your inner voice permission to speak, then let it guide you. It knows what you want before you do. All it needs is your willingness to hear it.

7. Tune into what makes you feel most alive

In a previous habit, I asked you to identify what you don’t want. In this habit, we are going to focus on the more traditional route. I want you to start thinking about what you want—what will make you feel alive.

There are moments that make you forget to check your phone, activities that light you up from the inside out, conversations that leave you buzzing with energy, and activities that make you lose time and which you do because you want to do them. These are clues. Aliveness is your compass and directs you to your true north. It tells you when you’re aligned with what truly matters.

Don’t overthink it. Think of the last time you felt joyful, creative, or deeply engaged. What were you doing? Who were you with? What values were present? Start collecting those moments like breadcrumbs. Then find ways to do more of that. A life that makes you feel alive is not a luxury, but a sign you’re on the right path.

8. Listen to your envy—it points to desire

Hold on. Isn’t envy considered one of the seven deadly sins in Christian theology? So, how will this have a positive impact on your development?

Let’s explain.

Envy gets a bad reputation, but when used consciously, it’s a secret tool for self-discovery. It’s one of those “flip the script” moments again.

When you feel jealous of someone’s life, career, freedom, or passion, it’s not about them. It’s about you. Envy reveals what you want but have been denying or avoiding.

Instead of shaming it, examine it. Use it as a motivator, as it may show you your possible end goal.

It helps you to identify in glaring visual terms what their life has that your life doesn’t. Acknowledge the feeling it stirs inside you and the part of you that wants that too.

This doesn’t mean copying others, but it means honoring the spark envy lights in you. Let it be the template you can use to create your own version of fulfilment. Used wisely, envy isn’t a petty or nasty thing; it’s revealing and can be a powerful message.

9. Define success on your own terms

Now that we have explored what we want and don’t want, it is time to start to define what success means for you. Not for others, but for you! Sorry for the reinforcement, but it is a worthy reminder.

What does success really mean to you? Not what you were told. Not what looks good on paper. It’s creating and refining your own definition. One that is raw, real, and deeply personal. For some, success is peace. For others, it’s impact, freedom, creativity, or connection. Only you can answer that for yourself.

Clarity comes when you stop chasing society’s script and start writing your own. Don’t let others tell you how you should live. Again, you make your own rules and set your own goals. Get specific. What would a successful day, year, or life look like to you? Without this clarity, you’ll keep climbing ladders that are leaning against the wrong wall. Defining success is how you stop performing and start living. It’s how you trade pressure for purpose.

10. Be willing to want more from life

Don’t just settle for mediocrity and the ordinary. You only get one shot at this life, so squeeze every ounce out of it.

It’s okay to want more: more joy, more purpose, more depth, more truth. Wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful; it makes you aware of what you truly expect out of your life. It means you’re waking up to your own potential.

Many people settle not because they’re content, but because they’ve been conditioned to play small. You don’t have to apologize for having big dreams or for outgrowing the life that once fit. Be willing to expand. Be curious about what else is possible. Wanting more isn’t selfish; it’s how you honour the fullness of who you are.

So, take the first step to living the life that is right for you. Start now.

ENJOYED THIS BLOG? WHY STOP HERE?

Subscribe today and receive a free 79-page book:

10 Fresh Mindset Habits to Create New Day’s Resolutions, Instead of New Year’s Goals.

It’s packed with practical activities, thought-provoking questions, and fresh ways to start building the life you want — every day, not just once a year.

Go on, your future self will thank you