10 Fresh Mindset Habits to Control Your Anger and Stay Calm

Anger.

It is easy to say we have all had our moments where we have just seen red and lost the plot. It doesn't need to have been an Academy-winning performance with pure theatrics, but we have all had moments that we have regretted.

When we consider whether there are any positives to anger, we often find that whilst we have the chance to let off steam, this only often leads us to say or do something stupid. Cue the regret and self-promise to not get so hot-headed in the future. Then, the next day, we just repeat the same soundtrack.

A snide comment, a missed deadline, or even something as minor as spilling coffee on your shirt can set you off. Anger, while a natural emotion, can quickly spiral out of control if left unchecked, leaving you feeling drained and even more frustrated.

The good news? With a little awareness and the right techniques, you can take charge of your anger and respond calmly to life’s challenges.

Here are 10 simple ways to keep your cool and stay in control when anger starts bubbling up.

1. Recognize the Signs

The first step to controlling your anger is recognizing it early. I can guarantee we all know when the volcano of anger is brewing inside us, waiting to explode. We can all recognize the situations that lead to our anger. But it is also vital to remember that your body gives off warning signals—racing heart, clenched fists, or shallow breathing.

It is so important to pay attention to these signs so you can intervene before your anger escalates. I know we want to say, "fuck it", and let's just see what happens. But we need to be our own protective friend when this feeling kicks in to stop us from doing or saying something stupid. Awareness is half the battle. If we are able to recognize and take early action, then half of this battle is one. It is like dowsing a house with water before a fire approaches.

Once you notice the signs, you can start applying techniques to calm down. Like the example before, think of it as catching the fire before it spreads.

2. Take Deep Breaths

I'm sure we have all been told to take a deep breath when we become either angry or stressed. Take a walk and just calm down. Now, for most of us, when we hear this, it makes us angrier. However, there is so much good that can come from taking a moment to breathe. This is not just a wife's tale. There is some legitimate meaning to it. Just doing this simple act, takes us away from making the situation more complicated and emotional than it needs to be.

Deep breathing is a simple but effective way to manage anger. When you’re upset, your breathing tends to get faster and shallower, fueling the flames of your emotions. Slow, deep breaths help calm your nervous system and give your brain a chance to regain control. Try inhaling for a count of four, holding your breath for four, and exhaling for four. Repeat this a few times, and you’ll feel more grounded in no time.

3. Pause Before Reacting

When you’re angry, it’s tempting to fire off a sharp comment or act impulsively. For most of us, that is the one and only response that we feel will have the most effective impact. Sure, it will be impactful. A bit like the Titanic hitting an iceberg. Or throwing fuel on a fire. Sorry guys, but that won't end well. Instead, give yourself a moment to pause.

Instead of shooting from your emotional hip, take a minute or two to calm down. Count to ten, take a walk, or close your eyes and breathe. This small delay creates space between your emotion and your response, helping you react thoughtfully instead of regretfully.

4. Express Your Anger Calmly

Bottling up your anger isn’t healthy, but neither is exploding. How many times have we reflected and said, "Yep, cutting loose into a torrent of hurt was definitely the right play!" Not many of us. If so, I would love to hear more about that story!

Isn’t having a calm, collected head and a better mindset when expressing our anger a more constructive way of getting the response we want? We can all yell abuse and issue threats and demands, but it's not going to work in the long term. I think we all know people who use this as their mode of operation and the effects it has.

It is not only important to take emotions out of the way we need to express our point, but also to take the emotional blame out of the words we use.

We should aim to express our feelings calmly and constructively. Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel without placing blame. For example, say, “I felt hurt when you interrupted me,” instead of “You never listen!” This keeps the focus on your emotions and avoids escalating the conflict.

I know this means we need to be the bigger person and take the high ground. While we may feel we may be letting the other person off the hook, in the long run, it will be better and, most importantly, less regretful for you.

5. Identify Your Triggers

What sets you off? You may be asking yourself if this is a trick question.

Most of us can come up with a list of 100 things that send us from hero to zero without having to rack our brains. It could be traffic, a blown tire, an unexpected bill, or kids who don’t have the ability to pick up a wet fucking towel off the floor due to its purely mighty gravitational force that gets us fuming. You pick your poison!

Regardless of what gets you into an emotional mess, knowing your triggers can help you prepare for them. Whether it’s a specific person, situation, or topic, being aware of what fuels your anger allows you to approach these scenarios more mindfully. Like driving head first into a pothole in the road, finding a way to avoid, minimize, or at least recognize these situations helps us minimize our chances of anger.

Over time, you’ll notice patterns and develop strategies to handle these triggers with ease.

6. Practice Relaxation Techniques

When anger strikes, relaxation can be your best friend. It is like a mate tapping you on the shoulder and telling you to sit this out and take a chill pill.

By relaxing, we can release tension in our minds and bodies. They say time cures all. While this may not be entirely true, taking the time to do something that you like and that helps to relieve stress can do a world of wonders.

Techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, or even visualizing a calming scene can help you let go of tension. However, it doesn’t need to be this Zen-like to be effective. Even going for a walk, watching mindless social media for a few minutes, or listening to a funny podcast may do the trick.

The key is to find what works for you and make it a habit, so you’re ready to use it when you need it most. Have it ready in your arsenal so you can quickly grab it when you need to. For me, having my running shoes in the car within easy reach reminds me that when shit gets a bit too real, a calming walk is only a minute away.

7. Get Moving

Physical activity is a fantastic way to release pent-up anger. A brisk walk, a gym session, or even smashing golf balls can help you channel that negative energy into something positive.

There aren’t many times when you return from exercise and regret it, coming back angrier than when you left. This time also forces you to analyze what may be causing the anger and try to find the best response.

Exercise releases endorphins, those feel-good hormones, which can lift your mood and help you see things more clearly. The worst-case scenario is that you are simply too tired to be angry anymore. Anyway, you look at it, it is a vast improvement over sitting and stewing on it.

So when anger gets a bit too real, throw on your gym clothes and sweat it out.

8. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

Life never goes according to plan. That’s just life, and as much as you think you can wish everything to be perfect and everyone to act the way you want them to, unfortunately, this simply won’t happen, like ever!

For most of us, anger often stems from frustration when things don’t go as planned. Now, this is understandable, but we have to learn to accept that problems will arise. We will be kicking into the teeth of life’s wind. Instead of bitching and moaning, we have to pull up our socks and focus on finding a solution, not just having a pit party feeling sorry for ourselves because we have been hurt or inconvenienced.

You can blame others and focus on injustices all you want, but it won’t get you an inch closer to rectifying them.

Instead of stewing over the problem, shift your focus to finding a solution. For example, if a coworker misses a deadline, think about how to keep the project on track rather than dwelling on your annoyance. Solution-oriented thinking empowers you and reduces the hold anger has on you.

9. Laugh It Off

We have all had those days where no matter where you turn or what you do, you are just continually sinking deeper into the shit quicksand. At these times, we just have to accept it isn’t our day and try to stop fighting against it. It is time to put the cue back in the rack, bow and get off the stage for the day.

Luckily, not every day is like this, so let it run the clock out without you being an active participant.

In these times, and at any time, regardless of how large or small the hardship is, humor can be a powerful antidote to anger. When appropriate, try to find the lighter side of the situation, and at times just accept it as a crazy shitshow!

Now, I’m not saying start laughing when someone is angry at you, as this will only turn up the pressure cooker even further. A funny perspective can diffuse tension and help you let go of negative feelings. Just be careful not to use humor in a way that could hurt others—it’s about finding relief, not sarcasm.

10. Seek Help When Needed

We don’t live on an island isolated from the rest of thew world. That is lucky. If your anger feels overwhelming or unmanageable, don’t hesitate to seek support. Now it doesn’t need an intense shrink session, but merely chatting through it or about anything unrelated to get your mind off whatever is pissing you off can be all that it takes to make you feel better again.

Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable insight and tools for coping or simply letting off steam. Sometimes, an outside perspective is exactly what you need to break the cycle and start responding to challenges with greater calm.

Admitting the need for help is not a weakness. In fact, it is the opposite. It shows you have the courage to seek support from those who have the ability and are eagerly willing to give it. You would do the same for a friend at the drop of a hat. So be willing to let others help you when your day is crustier than normal.

Controlling anger doesn’t mean you’ll never feel it—it’s about responding to it in a way that serves you, not controls you. By practicing these 10 simple strategies, you can turn anger into a manageable emotion that no longer dictates your actions.

Remember, staying calm isn’t just about keeping the peace with others—it’s about protecting your own inner peace, too. Try these tips and watch how they transform your reactions and relationships.