10 Fresh Mindset Habits to Accept Yourself and Let Go of Regrets

Are regrets holding you back from living fully today?

Regrets.

We all have them.

Even Frank Sinatra has sung about them.

That’s just part of being human. We have all done something wrong, made a mistake, made poor judgment or simply didn’t complete a task as well as we would have liked. Maybe we broke someone’s trust or let others down.

Regardless of what we did and the consequences that followed, we regretted it.

There isn’t a single person on this earth who has not had a regret, so don't feel like you're the only one. No one is perfect. We will all continue to make more mistakes in the future, which we can all agree on. That's just life.

In this blog, we'll examine progress and how we learn to forgive ourselves, learn from experiences, and move on.

So, how does regret affect us?

Regret has a sneaky way of stealing our peace. Depending on the level of regret, it may be a constant nag or have deep emotional ramifications. It loops our past mistakes on repeat, turning yesterday’s missteps into today’s shame.

But what if regret wasn’t something to drown in? What if it was something we could grow from? Now I'm not saying that we simply forget about what we've done, but instead use it as a learning experience to prevent its recurrence in the future.

This blog isn’t about denying your past or pretending everything was perfect—again, no one is perfect. Instead, it's about changing the way you relate to your past so you can move forward lighter, freer, and stronger.

It's simply changing our mindset about how we deal with regret.

Each of the ten habits shared here offers a practical shift in mindset that helps you accept your imperfections without letting them define you. You are not a collective of your mistakes.

If there are only a few key lessons from this blog that I want you to take away, it is to learn to stop punishing yourself, replace shame with self-compassion, and see your detours as valuable, not shameful.

Unless we've got a time machine, we can't go back in time and change things. We can't erase the past, but we can learn to build a better relationship with it. So, if you’re tired of being haunted by “what ifs” and “should haves,” these habits will help you breathe easier and live more fully.

1. Stop arguing with reality

You can't change the past, no matter how hard you try. Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it?

So why do so many people spend hours and wasting so much emotional energy trying to change the past?

We waste enormous energy wishing things had been different. “It wasn’t supposed to go that way.” “They shouldn’t have done that.” “I should’ve seen it coming.” This endless resistance to what’s already happened is like arguing with a brick wall: it changes nothing and only leaves you exhausted.

You can sit and think about ways you would have handled it differently as long as you want, but it won't change what has happened. So, we really have to stop dwelling on it, but instead learn from it.

Accepting reality doesn’t mean you like it. When we have regrets, it often means we didn't handle a situation in the right way. However, accepting what happened means you stop fighting the unchangeable.

When you stop wrestling with what was, you free up energy to work with what is. Regret loves to dwell in the fantasy of how things should’ve gone. But reality is your starting point—always.

As much as you may want to, you can't change the script of what has happened; we merely have to accept it for what it is.

The truth is, you cannot move forward while clinging to a version of the past that never happened. The sooner you accept the raw, unedited version of your story, the sooner you can begin rewriting your future.

So learn to make peace with the present moment, no matter how imperfect. You can’t heal what you keep rejecting. Once you stop resisting reality, you’ll see more clearly, feel more grounded, and take wiser action.

It’s the foundation of letting go. And it’s the first real step in accepting yourself, exactly as you are.

2. Replace “should have” with “did my best with what I knew”

How many times have you said, "I wish I did that, or I should have said this".

Would have, should have, could have. Where does this get you?

The phrase “should have” is one of the heaviest emotional weights we carry. It implies failure, shame, and guilt. But hindsight is a cruel teacher—it gives you today’s wisdom and expects you to rewrite yesterday.

That’s not fair, and it’s not helpful. Yet we are more than happy to kick ourselves when we're down. What comes from punishing yourself? Instead, we need to take the view of learning and improving.

When we honestly examine what caused us to regret in most circumstances, we have to remember that we were trying to do our best with the information and resources we had at the time to make our best judgment.

Not many of us intentionally try to cause harm, do a subpar job, or hurt people's feelings. We try our best, and that is that.

Instead of punishing yourself with should-haves, you have to remind yourself that you did the best with what you knew at the time. This phrase doesn’t excuse everything, but it explains it.

You aren't perfect. You were human. You made decisions based on who you were, what you knew, and the tools you had available at that time. That’s all any of us can do.

This simple reframe allows for grace. It reminds you that growth is built on learning from the experience, not shaming yourself forever because of it. You’re not the same person you were then, and that’s proof of progress.

Regret loses its grip when you treat yourself like someone who deserves understanding, not constant criticism. So please stop kicking yourself. It will get you nowhere.

Every time your mind says, “should have,” meet it with compassion. Replace it with, “I did my best with what I knew.” Repeat this until it softens the edge of your regret.

3. Stop making your past decisions with today’s wisdom

This habit follows on from the concept we discussed in the previous habit. That is, we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time.

One of the most unhelpful things we do is retroactively apply today’s awareness to yesterday’s decisions. It’s like blaming your childhood self for not having adult logic. It’s unfair, and it creates a distorted version of your past.

The person you are now has knowledge, experience, and insights your past self didn’t yet have. Of course, you’d do things differently today. That’s called growth, not guilt. Yet we often hold our younger selves to impossible standards, criticizing them for not knowing what we only learned because of those very mistakes.

Look, we've all done dumb shit in our past, especially as adolescents. Do we regret these actions? Of course we do. But how many of us make the same mistakes again as adults? We don't because we've learned from the experiences.

We have to stop the cycle of trying to apply what you know today to a situation that may have taken place in recent months, or going back years or decades. You made the best decisions you could with the resources, maturity, and awareness you had. Those decisions helped shape the person reading this blog right now. They were part of your becoming.

So, when regret whispers, “Why didn’t I see it then?”, respond with, “Because I hadn’t lived it yet.” That’s the honest truth. When you start seeing your past self with understanding instead of judgment, you loosen regret’s grip. You give yourself permission to grow instead of just grieve.

4. Accept the mess—it means you were trying

Life is messy. Progress is messy. Healing is messy.

There is no instructional manual for living life perfectly, so we have all have to learn by trial and error. That leads to mistakes, and mistakes lead to regret.

If we look at it subjectively, the only way to avoid making mistakes and having regrets is to do nothing. But that's not life.

The only people who don’t make a mess are the ones who don’t move at all. So, if your past looks a little chaotic, take that as a sign that you were showing up. You were trying. You were giving it a crack.

We often associate mess with failure, but really, it’s the evidence of effort. The broken bits, the detours, the awkward starts—all of it points to someone who was willing to risk doing something. And that’s brave.

Making mistakes often allows us to grow in knowledge, compassion, and emotional understanding. It allows us to start to see the beauty in our imperfect efforts. That failed relationship? You cared. That job you walked away from? You gave it your best shot. That rough patch you stumbled through? You were learning how to stand.

When we mention the word regret, for many of us, the first thing that comes to mind is those failed relationships that we have had. Sure, that hurts, but in hindsight, we have learnt from the experiences and made ourselves a better partner in our current relationships.

Accepting the mess doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes. There are lessons to be learned from mistakes, but by accepting them, you don't let them define you. You don’t need a perfect past to be proud of yourself. You just need to recognize your own courage in the trying.

So instead of obsessing over how things looked, honor the fact that you were in the arena. Covered in dust maybe, but still standing. That’s worth a whole lot more than a flawless finish.

5. Normalize not knowing everything at the start

We expect ourselves to be experts at the beginning, as if every choice should come with full certainty and wisdom built in. But that’s not how life works. We learn by doing, often fumbling through the unknown before anything makes sense.

So, let’s normalize not having it all figured out at the start. You didn’t know what would happen. You couldn’t predict how you’d feel. You made choices based on limited insight, and that’s entirely human.

Instead, you should simply be proud that you gave it a go.

Regret often stems from the unrealistic belief that we should’ve known better. But how? You can’t fast-track experience. You can't download clarity before the first step. Every journey begins with some degree of not-knowing.

The next time your mind scolds you for missing the obvious, pause and remind yourself that clarity often arrives only after we’ve walked through confusion. Let that be okay. You’re allowed to learn the hard way.

6. Collect lessons, not wounds

Life is a constant learning lesson. There is never a graduation day. Each day is different from the past, and the rules of engagement change. The best we can do is try to understand these changes and react to them the best we can. That's it, pure and simple.

Look, regrets bring up many emotions and often many wounds.

It’s easy to collect these wounds from our past. They can include harsh words, failures, and heartbreaks. But if you let those wounds define you, regret will run your story. Instead, turn your focus on the lessons.

Every regret contains something valuable that we can learn from, including insight, wisdom, and resilience. The pain itself is never the prize, but what you learn from it is.

Many successful leaders have made mistakes and had regrets, but they have found the experiences invaluable as they have learnt something from them, and this has often resulted in their success today. It could have been a change of thought, a completely different path or a better understanding that has led to this growth and greater success. They don’t dwell on the past because they can’t change it. They learn from it and let it be.

The same can be applied to our lives, both personally and professionally.

Live, learn and let go.

When you view your past through the lens of learning, you take your power back. You become the author, not just the survivor.

This doesn’t mean you deny the hurt. It means you don’t let the hurt be the whole headline. You are open to understanding how these experiences taught you, which wouldn't have happened if you hadn’t made a mistake. Maybe they taught you boundaries, what you truly value, and kindness.

The goal isn’t to erase the pain, but to rise with something gained. Collect the lessons. Let the wounds heal. Regret loses its grip when you focus on how far you’ve come, not just how hard it was.

7. Define yourself by your recovery, not your regret

You are not your past. You are who you are in this very moment.

Your worth is not determined by the mistake, but by what you did next. Did you apologize? Did you reflect? Did you grow? That’s where your story is shaped. It is not in the fall, but in getting back up, dusting yourself off and having another go, this time with more insight.

It’s tempting to let regret define us, especially if we’ve been carrying it for years. Some people like to carry it around as a safety blanket and an excuse not to get back in the ring of life again.

But identity built on shame keeps you stuck. It keeps you being the victim. The healthier habit is to define yourself by your recovery. That means honoring your resilience, your reflection and your rebuilding.

That is the beauty of everyday. It is a new chance to make a new beginning.

People often fear that letting go of regret means they’re letting themselves off the hook. That isn’t the case, I’m afraid. You can’t simply wash your hands of the situation. Recovery isn’t about forgetting what has happened, but instead focusing on transforming. You faced the consequences, you learned, and you became wiser. That’s what matters.

So, shift your focus. Instead of being stuck thinking about what you did wrong, try to remember how you responded and how you changed from the experience, how it made you a better and more complete person today.

Your ability to recover is your strength. Make that the headline. You are not your regret. You are your recovery.

8. Embrace the detour—it may be the real path

Life rarely goes in a straight line.

I want you to stop and think about a mistake that you made that took you down a different path, which was purely unexpected, but has led you to a better place. Maybe you messed up in a relationship but found a better one, or you lost your job but found one that makes you happier.

All of these can feel like wrong turns. But sometimes, the detour is exactly where you needed to go. Most mistakes result in travelling a different path, which has, in hindsight, been a blessing.

So don’t always see a mistake as a consequential catastrophe. It is often a blessing in disguise, once you have learnt from it.

Regret often comes from believing we wasted time or lost direction. But if you zoom out and see the bigger picture, many of those side roads shape who you are. They introduced you to key people, built your resilience, or gave you clarity you didn’t have before.

You have to start trusting that just because something didn’t go to plan, it doesn’t mean it went wrong. It went differently, and that difference may hold more value than you realize.

The detour taught you things the shortcut never could. It gave you depth, humbled you, and made you more adaptable, compassionate, and aware.

So, when you look back, don’t become obsessed with why it didn’t go how I expected, but instead focus on what it gave you that you didn’t know you needed? “That’s how detours become destinations in disguise.

9. The goal is growth, not guilt

Mistakes mean you are still learning, and learning means growth.

If guilt could change the past, it might be useful. But all it really does is weigh you down. Remember, there is no fucking time machine to make you go back and sprinkle magic dust to make it perfect. Guilt keeps you stuck in shame; growth moves you forward with understanding.

So, focus less on punishing yourself and more on evolving. What did the experience teach you? How did it shape you? What would you do differently now? These are the questions that lead to healing, not “Why was I so stupid?”

Growth is about using your past as fuel for wisdom, not evidence for self-hate. It says, “I didn’t know better—but now I do.” And that’s progress and what you should be focusing on.

You’re not supposed to be flawless. It is simply not possible to be perfect in every little action or decision we take. You’re supposed to keep learning. That’s the whole point of this human experiment.

So, when your mind drifts into guilt mode, pause and think about how it is helping you grow, instead of just making yourself feel worse?” Regret is a signpost, not a sentence. Let it teach, not torture.

10. Measure progress, not perfection

As we have said, life is a continuous learning lesson. When we encounter a situation, we make the best decision or action we can and deal with the consequences as we go. If all goes to plan, that is great, but if it doesn’t, we learn from it.

This is what growth is. Pure and simple.

We are not perfect, so mistakes will happen along this path. So don’t get too caught up in the hype of perfection. It is really a mythical creature that only fuels regret. When you hold yourself to an impossible standard, every slip feels like failure. But when you measure progress, you see how far you’ve come, and that’s the true marker of growth.

Growth is progress. You won’t always get things right, but you can learn along the way to do them better. The key is being willing to try. Growth honors the effort, not just the outcome. It sees healing as nonlinear, success as personal, and growth as ongoing.

So, celebrate the small wins you experience on your growth journey; the boundary you establish, the trigger you manage more effectively, the moment you show yourself grace instead of grief.

When you compare yourself only to perfection, you’ll always come up short. But when you compare yourself to your past self, you’ll see the strength you’ve built.

So, keep reminding yourself that you are moving forward. That’s all that matters. Perfection isn’t the goal, progress is. Regret has no place in a mindset that values growth over flawlessness.

Keep showing up. Keep trying. Keep going. That’s more than enough.

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